Joyceisms

I've been wandering around the house, sweating to death because the cooler is broken, giggling under my breath.
What is making me giggle as I drown in my own sweat? Joyceisms. My friend Joyce, the one who is afraid of walmart people and dwarfs, has a way with words. She doesn't mean to be funny, it just comes out that way.
Some classic Joyceisms:

" My ex husband, who I married."
" Somewhere in the conversation, I felt large."
" Things will be fine as soon as they fix the sun" (She was talking about the blinds at work)
" Does someone still have access to my toaster?"

And the one that is making me giggle so hard tonight, we had a conversation on the phone and she said,

" I don't think I can go tonight Carol, I'm standing under the cooler with my skirt pulled up, sweating like a farm animal in my large lady underwear>"

She kills me.