Managing your online life after you're dead

I’m not making this up, that was an actual headline for a news article. As if I didn’t have enough to worry about while I’m alive, now I have to worry about my email and facebook and myspace and blogs AFTER I’M DEAD!!!!!

The article went on to tell us, oh uninformed public, that now, you don’t have to worry about your online persona after you are dead. Why you might ask? There are companies who will take care of this for you! For a small annual fee they will store all of your passwords, account log ins, a “Legacy Letter”, funeral instructions and “unspeakable secrets” to be revealed only after your death. And just to make sure they don’t miss your death, they will send you automated emails, “at a frequency determined by you” and after a specific number of unanswered emails they will email the people you have listed as your emergency contacts and tell them how to access all the stuff you have online. Why didn’t I think of that?

Imagine getting the following letter:

Dear Sir/ Madam,

Your mother set up this legacy account so that in the event of her untimely passing, you can have access to all of her online activities, including the email account pastyfacedslut@doooomeeeeeee.com. We have moved all your mother’s pertinent log in information for all of her accounts along with her funeral wishes to the aforementioned account, the password for this account is 696969.

Sorry for your loss, we understand this is a very difficult time. If there is anything we can do to help you with pastyfacedslut’s email account, please contact us.

Ummm, some things should die with you. Also, what if I forget to update any of my funeral information because I thought I had plenty of time and Mo buries me in the bikini I thought I looked so hot in ten years ago? Who’s fault is that? Poor Mo, she will have to put a disclaimer on the funeral cards:


“Please avert your eyes, she knows not what she does”


And the more I think about it the more depressed I feel that I have no unspeakable secrets for Mo to find out when I’m gone. I never slept with a Kennedy, I didn’t rob a 7-11, she is not Michael Jackson’s love child, I never even drove the wrong way on a one way street!

That’s it, I have some things to rectify. I’m going to find some unspeakable secret things to do so when I’m gone and Mo get’s the form letter above she will blush and then say- “Oh yeah, that’s my Momma!”