Now That I'm Someone Else

LIfe and loves of the bubble bath queen

Friday, August 7, 2009

Line dancing and people watching, oh my!

A night out with my sisters, what fun! We are going line dancing, which in itself is fun, but the most fun of all, is people watching. If you have never been to a country bar, you should go, you are in for a treat. I know we shouldn’t make fun of other people, but it’s so much damn fun.

We’ve been going line dancing for a while, although we took about two months off. The same people come week after week and from watching them we have given them all nicknames, well not all, but quite a few. We can’t help it, these people have earned these names.

Let’s start with Booger. We were sitting at our table, minding our own business, when we noticed this man sitting at another table, picking his nose. Gross!! We laughed about it, then he stood up to dance and we about peed our pants. He is probably early thirties, with a long pony tail under his cowboy hat. That’s all that was under that cowboy hat. When he took it off we discovered that he was bald except for a little fringe around the side and his pony tail. Wait! There’s more! He has a beer gut that is so big it hides his enormous belt buckle and……….he was wearing a white wife beater. Be still my heart, I may have just found the man of my dreams!

Then Booger’s girlfriend came in. She was wearing mom jeans, you know the ones, they start somewhere above your navel, a flannel shirt, unbuttoned and untucked, and a tank top. Doesn’t sound that bad does it? She had no bra on, and her poor little boobs were hanging over the waistband of her jeans. If she rolled them up and stuffed them in a bra she would have seemed quite well endowed. The funniest part though was when Terrie’s boyfriend said “ I haven’t seen boobs like that since National Geographic” Now we just call her National, and it cracks us up every time.

Sister wife is there every week. We think that it is her night out without the kids, maybe she got that instead of her weekly sex date with her shared hubby. Now if you don’t live in Utah you may not understand this, but we are the polygamy capital of the west. The Mormons, many, many moons ago, decided having more than one wife was a good idea, especially if you married them when they were 14. Any way, if you live here you can spot a sister wife (what all the women who are married to one man are called) from a mile away. They have this big swoopy bang that stands up like a bad 80’s hairdo, apparently the higher your pouf the more righteous you are, and they usually wear prairie dresses and have big bottoms. Well, our friend Sister wife doesn’t wear the prairie dress but she has the big pouf and the big bottom, which she uses with all her might. She dances and shakes those hips, in a very exaggerated way, and is constantly rubbing her butt check. It’s freaking hilarious! We’ve even witnessed her throwing back a shot or two, wonder if she tells the bishop about that?

Then there is Bigg Titties. This lady is freaking 65, at least, and has a very large, very perky rack. Thank you Dr Feelgood! From across the room she is actually cute, she is petite and can dance. Once you get close you see that she is much older than you originally thought and her jeans are so tight that her camel toe is more like a cloven hoof. Scary, scary, scary! And she is so proud of her boobs that she shimmies in every song. It’s amazing that her little stick body can hold up those goodyear blimp sized boobs.

Ok, that’s enough for now, I’m starting to feel like a mean girl. I’m sure tomorrow there will be an update, after all, tonight I will refresh my memory of Booger, National, Bigg Titties, Sister wife and all of their friends you have yet to hear about.


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