Now That I'm Someone Else

LIfe and loves of the bubble bath queen

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Bad boys, bad boys............

Relationships are hard. Nothing else to say, they are just hard. Attraction is a tricky thing. The older I get, the pickier I get. I know what I like and what I don’t, what I want in my life and what I don’t.

Since I’ve been divorced I’ve gone on plenty of dates. Some good, some not so good. And I’ve had a few “relationships” but nothing lasting. I have a thing for bad boys, I know that, and I’m trying to change it but can’t seem to get past the boredom factor with the nice guys.

Why do nice guys seem so lacking in personality? Is it because they are not always coming up with a story to try to scam you? I’ve met some really great guys, guys who would have made great husbands, but they are not the ones that intrigue me and I never date them for long.

The guys I date for longer than a few weeks are the ones who are addicted to something, have huge amounts of debt, that they are avoiding, don’t have or can’t hold a job, are not ready to commit, the list of bad traits goes on and on.

Realistically, I know that all of those things will make my life a living hell if I continue seeing these men. So why do I do it? Not only do I continue seeing them, sometimes I’m the one chasing them. Although, usually, they are the ones doing the chasing because as soon as I decide I don’t want their crap in my life, they decide they can’t live without me.

Isn’t it funny how as soon as you walk away from a relationship that is not meeting your needs, the chasing starts? I’ve known M for three and a half years, he is the biggest commitmentphobe in the world. It never fails, as soon as I tell him I don’t want to see him anymore he starts his campaign to get me back. Texting a hundred times a day, calling three or four times a day, wanting to see me every day, telling me when we are going to get engaged, when we are going to get married, etc. He even does this when he has another girlfriend! I have tried to be just his friend, we do have a good time together, hanging out with our mutual friends, bbqing, going to the hot tub, stuff like that, we are best friends in that we can talk about anything, and I love his children.

. He even gives me all the dirt on the current woman he’s dating, why he can’t continue to see her, she drinks too much, she’s a party girl, her house is filthy, her kids are out of control, they don’t have chemistry, she is looking for a sugar daddy, whatever this week’s excuse is so he doesn’t have to commit. All the while telling me he loves me more than he’s ever loved anyone, we have something special together, yadda, yadda, yaddda.

But as soon as I let my guard down and think, this time will be different, he is back to his old tricks. Not calling when he says he will, being late when we have plans, talking about how he is not ready for a serious relationship. Whatever!

I’m trying to let the bad boys go. I know love is out there, I just have to be open to it, and not jump on the bad boy train anymore. Nice men are the ones that are there for you, not bad boys. Nice guys are willing to put their heart in a relationship, I just have to be ready to receive that.

So, my new goal is to stop seeing someone as soon as I recognize their bad boy traits and to give the nice guys a chance. You never know what will happen once you get past the initial awkwardness and a nice guy is finally able to open up. I’m hoping to find out.

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