Internet Date Number One

Went golfing last night with S. It was a blast. Since we were not a foursome we were paired with another couple. They were in their 30’s have three young children at home so were just enjoying some kid free time together. The four of us had a blast.

We laughed easily and often. I think the most important thing to look for in a partner is the ability to laugh together. We all have a list of physical attributes that are so important, he must be over 6 feet tall, she must have long hair, he must have hair, she must have big boob, and on an on. Those things will all disappear one day, he will shrink, she will cut her hair, his may fall out, and those boobs, we all know what direction they are headed!

But if you can make each other laugh… that will last. I am trying to give everyone a chance this time around, not make snap judgments. Last night I was pleasantly surprised. S was cuter than his pictures, but more importantly he was kind, attentive and he made me laugh. He also asked me out again, I’m going to go, who knows where things may lead, even if it’s not anywhere I’m making a new friend and having fun.

My friend Joyce always says, “Who would you love if you were blind?” Although neither one of us lives by that when we are looking for people to date, it’s a nice thought. If you were blind you would love the person who speaks to your heart, not your eyes. I’m trying to remember that, and listen to what someone says to my heart.

Why is it so easy to fall in love with the handsome bad boy who is always doing you wrong? We can forgive them almost anything, because they are just so damn sexy, but let a nice guy do anything the slightest bit wrong and he hits the street so fast his head is spinning. And even when you look at what they do wrong, it’s a no brainer, so why do we do it?

Nice guy- 15 minutes late, but he called, we are still mad that he is inconsiderate of our time

Bad boy- 2 hours late because he was drinking with the boys and lost track of time, we are only mad for a minute, he is just too damn cute when he is making excuses!

Nice guy-believes us when we say we don’t want to go anywhere special for our birthday- and we are pissed because he should know us better than that.

Bad boy- it was your birthday? When, not until next month right? ( He’s just so damn cute)

There are many, many examples, I’m tried to remember those when the nice guy I went out with asked me out a second time.

Bad boys, bad boys............

Relationships are hard. Nothing else to say, they are just hard. Attraction is a tricky thing. The older I get, the pickier I get. I know what I like and what I don’t, what I want in my life and what I don’t.



Since I’ve been divorced I’ve gone on plenty of dates. Some good, some not so good. And I’ve had a few “relationships” but nothing lasting. I have a thing for bad boys, I know that, and I’m trying to change it but can’t seem to get past the boredom factor with the nice guys.



Why do nice guys seem so lacking in personality? Is it because they are not always coming up with a story to try to scam you? I’ve met some really great guys, guys who would have made great husbands, but they are not the ones that intrigue me and I never date them for long.



The guys I date for longer than a few weeks are the ones who are addicted to something, have huge amounts of debt, that they are avoiding, don’t have or can’t hold a job, are not ready to commit, the list of bad traits goes on and on.



Realistically, I know that all of those things will make my life a living hell if I continue seeing these men. So why do I do it? Not only do I continue seeing them, sometimes I’m the one chasing them. Although, usually, they are the ones doing the chasing because as soon as I decide I don’t want their crap in my life, they decide they can’t live without me.



Isn’t it funny how as soon as you walk away from a relationship that is not meeting your needs, the chasing starts? I’ve known M for three and a half years, he is the biggest commitmentphobe in the world. It never fails, as soon as I tell him I don’t want to see him anymore he starts his campaign to get me back. Texting a hundred times a day, calling three or four times a day, wanting to see me every day, telling me when we are going to get engaged, when we are going to get married, etc. He even does this when he has another girlfriend! I have tried to be just his friend, we do have a good time together, hanging out with our mutual friends, bbqing, going to the hot tub, stuff like that, we are best friends in that we can talk about anything, and I love his children.



. He even gives me all the dirt on the current woman he’s dating, why he can’t continue to see her, she drinks too much, she’s a party girl, her house is filthy, her kids are out of control, they don’t have chemistry, she is looking for a sugar daddy, whatever this week’s excuse is so he doesn’t have to commit. All the while telling me he loves me more than he’s ever loved anyone, we have something special together, yadda, yadda, yaddda.





But as soon as I let my guard down and think, this time will be different, he is back to his old tricks. Not calling when he says he will, being late when we have plans, talking about how he is not ready for a serious relationship. Whatever!



I’m trying to let the bad boys go. I know love is out there, I just have to be open to it, and not jump on the bad boy train anymore. Nice men are the ones that are there for you, not bad boys. Nice guys are willing to put their heart in a relationship, I just have to be ready to receive that.



So, my new goal is to stop seeing someone as soon as I recognize their bad boy traits and to give the nice guys a chance. You never know what will happen once you get past the initial awkwardness and a nice guy is finally able to open up. I’m hoping to find out.