Now That I'm Someone Else

LIfe and loves of the bubble bath queen

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Wishing it away

I can’t believe my baby girl is almost 16. Last night when I came home from my sister’s house she was printing out the invitations to her birthday party.This is the first year she will have separate family and friend parties. They will be on the same day but the family earlier in the day, then the friends will come.

I’m so glad that I have a good relationship with my ex husband, supervising twenty teenagers alone is not my idea of a good time. My ex will come and the kids will be better behaved because of it. I’m a pushover, I’m the Mom that can be talked into just about anything, there will be cake fights and water balloons, its tradition.

I sat last night and looked at the birthday pictures from years past, her first, her second with all our of new friends in Utah, her princess party when she turned six, the cake fight from her thirteenth. Where did the time go?

I remember, not that long ago, when we thought we would never have a child. The failed pregnancies that came first, the specialists telling us to check into adoption because we would never have a biological child. Then, like a ray of sunshine, there she was.

Everything has passed so quickly. I remember everyone saying, enjoy her now, she will grow so fast. I thought I enjoyed her babyhood and toddlerhood and elementary age, but it passed so quickly, I didn’t know!

It’s unfair that when you are in the middle of it, you can’t see the beauty in it, then it passes and you look back and there was nothing but beauty. Why didn’t I listen? Why didn’t I sit on the floor and play Barbies with her more, instead of cleaning the house. Why didn’t we adjust our standard of living so I could be home, making lunch and mudpies with her, instead of her daycare mom? Why did I raise my voice, why was I impatient, why did I only see the ruined walls and not the pride on her face when she and Jax drew all over the walls in her room and the playroom.

I remember thinking that each age was the best age, one month, six months, a year, two years, but still, always anticipating the next stage that was going to make my life easier.
I can’t wait until she can hold her own bottle, feed herself, walk, dress herself, talk, take a bath by herself, the list goes on and on.

I guess that’s why we have grandchildren, and why grandchildren get grandparents. We’ve already been through this once so with our children’s children we can see the beauty in their messes and know, first hand, how quickly this will pass. And like all the parents who came before us, we will tell our children, slow down, enjoy your babies, they will grow too quickly. They will roll their eyes at us while they balance the baby on their shoulder and get the two year old out of the dog food and think that we are crazyand that life would be so much easier when the kids are older and they can’t wait until…………


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