Now That I'm Someone Else

LIfe and loves of the bubble bath queen

Monday, May 11, 2009

Today is the day!

How many times have you heard, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” But have you ever really felt like that? I mean really just bounce out of bed knowing that wonderful things await you?

I woke up this morning with such a sense of delight and anticipation, like it really is the first day of the rest of my life. I’m not sure what caused this wonderful sense of impending greatness, but whatever it is, I’m loving it.

Yesterday my sisters and I had a bbq with our daughters for Mother’s Day. It was so much fun. My sisters make me laugh harder than almost anyone else. I always enjoy spending time with them.

It was somewhat of a throw back to when our daughters were little. Our girls are 21, 16 and 15 and the three of them were drawing on the patio with sidewalk chalk, just like when they were little girls, laying on their tummies, getting up covered in chalk dust. It was so much fun, even the dogs got in on it. Clementine had a yellow/green side and Pierre had pink paws. It was a blast.

After the bbq M came over for a while. I put it out there like I haven’t before. I told him I won’t be his sometime girl and that he needs to grow up. He asked me to help him be a man and I told him- Not my job!

It felt very liberating. I discussed my plans and goals with him, and for the first time in a long time there wasn’t a spot in my future reserved for him. It feels so good to be able to look at him and say, this is no longer where I want to be. I want to date a man, not a little boy, and this morning I woke up excited about that opportunity.

Maybe I’m finally growing up!

I feel like I’m in a really good place with my writing as well. I know that is what I want to do, I’m not sure what that’s going to look like but I want to write, all the time. I’ve applied to write a blog for an online dating site and I’m excited to hear back from them. I’m going to keep looking for those opportunities and jump on them as soon as they become available. My short term goal is to be able to support myself with my writing by the time Mo graduates for high school so that gives me two years to get this going!

In my future I see myself watching the birds in the backyard while I have my morning coffee, thinking about the day’s work. I want to be able to garden while coming up with new story ideas, volunteer during the day and use the quiet hours of the night to write. I want to be able to participate in my own life in a way that has not been possible up until now because I am always chasing that paycheck.

I want the fear in my life to go away. The fear that comes with having your fate be controlled by someone else. Companies, boyfriends, family, bosses, all of those people who shape my life on a daily basis but not necessarily with my best interests at heart. After all, we are all human and to be human is to be selfish and think about what we need and what’s in it for us. I want to be done with all of that. I want to do away with the fear and the selfishness and live in abundance.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, and finally, I feel ready for it.


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