Now That I'm Someone Else

LIfe and loves of the bubble bath queen

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Home Repair for the Single Woman

I did it! After five years of untangling and disengaging myself, legally and financially, from my ex-husband, I bought a home of my own! Nineteen hundred square feet of beautiful, wallpapered space, and it’s mine, all mine!

First thing I did upon getting the keys to my castle was to walk around and make a Honey Do List. How fun! All these tiny little things my home needs, and I am going to do them all by myself!

Ok, number one, the saddle valve from the water line to the swamp cooler leaks, so I get on line and research the repair. Piece of cake, they cost about eight bucks and take ten minutes to fix. I turn off the water to the house and head to the hardware store.

I strut through the hardware store; I am a woman on a mission, outta my way! I find the saddle valve without having to ask for help, one more point for this independent woman, use the self checkout and I’m back home before the dog misses me.

After neatly assembling all the tools I will need, (how very proactive of me), I unscrew the saddle valve, it starts leaking, just a little. No big deal, I think there is probably just a little water left in the line. I unscrew the valve and remove it, water starts spraying everywhere! What is going on? I turned the water off, where is this water coming from? I’m trying to shove the saddle valve back in the hole in the water line, no luck. As I try to cover the hole in the pipe, water is spraying everywhere, my eyes, my hair, the wall. I’m doing a very strange little hopping dance, hoping there is nothing in this room that will electrocute me now that it’s wet. Didn’t I see these moves in Flashdance twenty years ago? Of course, Jennifer Beals looked much better with wet hair than I do. What a feeling.

I’m standing in the utility room in the basement, dripping wet, with my finger over the hole in the pipe, like the Dutch boy with his finger in the dam, trying to figure out what to do. I’m home alone, my cell phone is upstairs, and what would I say if I could call someone? Hello, idiot alert, I’m flooding my basement, please don’t send firemen, they have water hoses, I need the opposite of firemen, someone to suck all the water up.

Finally, in a moment of inspiration I think about the trash can in the basement bath, if I run really fast I can get that, put it under the fountain while I run upstairs and get my phone and, well, I don’t know what, I haven’t gotten that far, but I’m tired of standing in the basement with my finger in a hole!

I let go of the pipe and run to the bathroom, dump the trash on the floor, run back to the utility room and the water is slowing down to a trickle. I guess since I already had my shower the house didn’t feel the need to let anymore water out.

Now I’m glad I didn’t call anyone. I choose to be alone with my soggy basement. I put on the new saddle valve, not quite as proud as I was when the basement was still dry and make a mental note- Always, always drain all water lines before unscrewing anything!
Next up, repairing sprinkler pipes- at least that water will drain down into the ground and not in my face.

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