Now That I'm Someone Else

LIfe and loves of the bubble bath queen

Monday, October 12, 2009

Candy Coated Misery

What do you wear to meet your boyfriends other girlfriend? Hmmm? Really, I didn't know the answer because I never asked the question, never thought I would need to know. So, after Jessica invited me out I poured myself a glass of wine and googled it. Not that it really mattered, who cares? We were just two women who were going to dump our hurt into each others laps. We understood.

Just for the record, google was no help, not that I really wanted or needed suggestions, it didn't matter, I just wanted to take my mind off the real question.

How did I not know this? How did I believe him? How many times was I dropped on my head as a baby?

For the record, Jessica, is a wonderful woman who is much braver than I. We have known about each other in an obscure way for the past year. I knew when he met her, we broke up, I knew when he told her about us, they broke up, after that things got very muddled.

I guess it's true that we only see what we want to see. I wanted to believe all the bullshit he spoon fed me, and so did she. Jessica said it best, she said " I knew something wasn't right, out of the corner of my eye I could see it, but I would just make myself look somewhere else and pretend I saw nothing."

We both did. We both fell in love with a man who only loves himself. We shared him, unknowingly, one weekend with her, one weekend with me, a night here a night there, just enough to cover his trail on both ends.

Jessica finally took the bull by the horns and emailed me, asked the question that was in the back of my mind but I was too afraid to ask, too afraid to find the answer I didn't want to hear.

We decided to meet, now there is an uncomfortable situation if there ever was one. She invited me out and I figured since she was brave enough to take the first step to ending our misery, it was my turn. I showed up at the bar she suggested.

We had a few beers and discovered all the lies he told us both, most of them the same lies, guess it was easier for him to keep track that way. And you know what? I like her. I really, really like her. She is bright and funny and pretty as hell. She absolutely doesn't need a loser like him in her life.

Then she reminded me that I don't either. One thing we discovered during our talk was that he took so much away from us. Mainly, he took our self esteem, our sense of self worth. Before meeting him we were both pretty sure that we deserved good things, he made us believe otherwise.

Well no more my friend. Sometimes good does triumph over evil, sometimes we do the right thing, and sometimes we women stick together.

There are plenty of women, friends of his wives, who knew and didn't tell us. Who listened to us say we loved him and were going to have a future with him, and they said nothing. Would we have listened? I guess we'll never know. Instead we listened to each other and found the strength to walk away.

It's scary. Sometimes it's so much easier to stay in a relationship, even a bad one, then to go out in the big bad dating world again. I still cry at night, but this time I welcome the tears, I know that when they stop, this is really over and I will get on with my life.

Thank you Jessica, for giving me back myself, for becoming a real person to me instead of just who he threatened me with whenever things didn't go his way.

Together we will get through this and all he has is the memories of what he lost. And he lost more than he will ever know.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a beautiful,strong and intelligent woman and Im proud to call you my daughter. And your right he will live to regret losing you...
Love Mom

October 13, 2009 at 1:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is so beautiful! I love you, Carol! In the real sense of the word, not the fake way that we've become accustomed to.


October 13, 2009 at 4:23 PM  
Blogger Sunnynovelist said...

Thank you! I'm so lucky to be surrounded by beautiful, strong women!

October 13, 2009 at 8:37 PM  

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