Now That I'm Someone Else

LIfe and loves of the bubble bath queen

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Another Saturday night in Utah

It's General Conference weekend. If you don't know what that is, you don't live in Utah, or even visit very often.

General Conference happens twice a year. The leaders of the predominate religion (those damn Mormons) give instruction to church members, there are five two hour sessions.

Some people go in person to hear the speakers, some sit home where we can watch or listen to it around the clock if we want. And some of us, get our drink on.

General conference always talks about women, how important they are, in the home and at church, so, we went out and celebrated women.
We started at the strip club. Strip clubs are some of the best places to people watch and not just the strippers!

First there was this little rock star wanna be. He looked like one of the guys from Poison, the one that always wears the bandanna over his head with lots of black eye liner. That was him, he danced for us, we gave him a dollar and someone in our group sucked tequila out of his belly button and rubbed her tongue raw licking the salt off his stomach.

It wasn't me, I hate tequila, even if it is on a cute twenty somethings six pack. Eventually we got bored, you can only watch strippers for so long before they all look the same, kinda like Chinese people.

So, since it was Celebrate Women night Marianne had two of her favorite lesbians pick us up and take us to the gay bar. Marianne said she had been there before and learned the Lesbian dance- they have their own dance? Who knew.

Turns out it was Cupid Shuffle, which I learned at the Westerner with my sisters- actually I learned it the night Angie got married but that's a whole different story.
So we were cupid shuffling as soon as we got there, and then we danced to the apple bottom jeans song and all I could think of was that video on you tube with the little boy in the red shirt dancing to that, I tried his moves, it wasn't pretty.

Then, suddenly we realize, we are not going to pick up men here, hello, its a freaking gay bar! Who's idea was this anyway?

We called our trusty designated driver- thanks Greg, you rock- and he came and picked us up and took us back to the strip club and we made it before last call.
The end of the night at strip clubs is pretty funny. Marianne and I sat in the end of the night perv seats for a while, gave us a better view of the guys, then we all went outside to smoke.

Ok, it's the end of the night so all the guys who haven't found someone to go home with are desperately seeking the love of their night. And we are laughing at them.
One guy was showing off his east side tattoos- cause apparently gang wannabees are every woman over 40's dream man, and here comes Alabama.

This man was tall, I mean tall, he towered over Marianne and I and Mr. East side. So Alabama starts showing us him "pure Alabama" tattoos. That's when we notice he has one tooth, right in the front.

Marianne topped them both with their pure east side and pure Alabama shit, she showed them pure Murray, they will never be the same.

Last call, Greg shows up and we are headed out the door when pure east side and another guy in a wife beater start talking to us.

Wife beater is checking out Kim, and then he says the magic words, "I just got out of prison"

Kim and I are both like, " Ummm, dude, you might not want to tell the ladies that when you first meet them." He was a little offended.

Then we ran giggling and got in the car with Greg. It was fun and we almost talked a guy in the parking lot into stripping for us, but then his wife called!


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