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Word of the day- Wonky

Wonky- turned or twisted to one side
not right
askew

Today, at work, during a very, very long, boring conference call ( I had two of them today) I was surfing the web.

Yes, on company time, shoot me. I had my phone muted as I read the news, listening with one ear in case my expertise was needed.

Headline "Man gets three years for sex with horse."

Me- Oh my God Joyce, listen to this, "Man gets three years for sex with horse."

Joyce- What are you looking at over there?

Me- The news, can you believe that?

Joyce- Wait, was it a girl horse or a boy horse?

Me- And it matters, why?

Joyce- Well, I'm trying to picture it.

Me- Stop picturing it, that's just gross. Oh my God, they got it on video tape, he
was convicted of first degree buggery.

Joyce- Buggery? I don't want to know what these people do. Where was that?

Me- North Carolina, where we are going to live on the beach after I publish my book.

Joyce- I'm not going there, see what those people do?

Me- (still reading the news) This was the second time he was caught with the same
horse. He had to register as a sex offender. A sex offender? Really? He's on
the same list with the rapists and pedophiles? Do they list his offense? Sex
a horse. Will he be allowed to live near farms? Why the same horse twice? Was
it the only horse around or was she asking for it, twitching her tail at him
with that come hither look in her eyes?
Joyce- That's it, I'm staying in my house, people are crazy.

Wonky- not just for people anymore.

I don't wanna grow up

I don't wanna grow up and you can't make me! Bet my mother has never heard that before. Remember when you were younger and every sentence started with.... When I'm 18 I'm gonna...stay up late, eat candy for breakfast and dinner, stay out after dark, ride my bike in the street, not go to school, kiss the boys, run with scissors, what ever it is I wanted to do.

I couldn't wait to grow up. Now, I wish I had at least slowed down a little, but since I didn't, I'm living like a child now!

I love the holidays, more than my daughter I think. And Halloween, well, what could be more fun than that? I dress up every year, and every year, it gets more and more ridiculous.

This year I have a naughty nun and a sexy Strawberry Shortcake costume. I think Strawberry Shortcake is winning. At work I'll be Cruella Deville. That's who I was last year when I went to a Halloween party with Marty. He was Darth Maul, took us forever to do his makeup.

All my friends get into Halloween too. I read an article today that said Halloween is such a big money maker because of all the adults that dress up. I don't remember my parents dressing up.

Mo wants to be Alice in Wonderland, for now that is, I'm sure it will change, she is usually something dead.

I don't remember having this much fun at Halloween when I was a kid, maybe it was because my parents didn't let me drink. Whatever the reason, it's fun now.

And this year, my dates are going to be a priest, a nun and Rainbow Brite, and we are going to walk into a bar. Sounds like the beginning of a joke doesn't' it? Well, it just might be, only we won't let anyone in on the punch line.

Sleep is my friend

We all have our talents, mine is sleeping. I am the world's best sleeper, it's one of my favorite things to do and I do it well.

I'm usually falling asleep walking up the stairs. Mo tucks me in now because I can't stay up past ten, hey five comes early!

Lately though I've notice something strange. I don't move, at all, all night. Is that normal?

I get in bed, roll on my side and I'm out like a light. I dont' even have to make my bed, just pull the blanket back in place.

Joyce said I sleep like a corpse, I say, corpse's don't sleep! Silly rabbit,I'm just a good sleeper.

When I was first divorced Mo slept with me every night. That lasted about a year. When she finally slept in her own bed I was on cloud nine. I took up the whole bed, I rolled, I tossed, I turned, in the morning, even the bottom sheet was off the bed.

Now, I don't even use the other side of the bed. I better make sure I rotate my mattress otherwise that other side will still be brand new.

Random thoughts for a snow day.

Irrational fears

Everyone has them. Even if we don't talk about them. Other people's irrational fears are funny, our own, not so much.

My sister, Angie is afraid of praying mantis'. Can you believe that? She is so afraid that once when we lived in an apartment, she went to go outside and there was a praying mantis on the screen door so she called maintenance to come remove it. Our friend Marianne managed the complex at the time and thought that was the funniest thing she had ever heard so the next day when Angie came home from work there were plastic praying mantis' everywhere, on the chairs on the porch, the doorknob, it was hysterical. Angie didn't think so.

She is also afraid of tumbleweeds. She almost killed us all when a "herd" of tumbleweeds ran across the road. That's what she called them, a herd.

I'm afraid of clowns. I never used to be, but now that it's dark in the garage when I go out in the morning I know that clown from It is out there waiting for me. My friend Joyce thinks it's vampires that are waiting for her. I told her vampires aren't real, how can you be afraid of something that isn't real? She's afraid of midgets too.

Mo's afraid of the dark. When I get up in the morning every light in the house is on because she can't walk down the hall to her bedroom with the lights off.

What makes one person afraid and another not? I know my sister was never attached by a praying mantis or a herd of tumbleweeds. I've never encountered a clown hell bent on killing me and nothing lives in the dark in my house. Yet we are afraid.

I love Stephen King, I've read everything he has ever written, at least twice, except It. What the hell was he thinking? Give me cars that want to kill me, a cemetary that brings animals and people back to life, telekinisis, rabid dogs, anything but clowns.

Maybe that will be the story line of my next novel, saving the world, one clown at a time. We could use praying mantis', vampires, tumbleweeds and midgets to get rid of them. I think I'm on to something............

When I grow up............

There comes a time in every one's life when you have to start thinking about what you want to be when you grow up. I want to be a writer.

I want to sell many, many novels, buy a beach house in North Carolina, eat bon bons, travel to exotic places and have affairs with the gardener, the pool boy, the pizza delivery guy......you get the picture.

Anyway, now that I'm 27 ( don't you dare correct me, this is my delusion after all ) I've decided it's time to buckle down and start getting serious about this writing thing.

I have three half finished novels that I've been working on, half-heartedly, for ten years. So, today is the day, I'm going to start writing.

First, I have to get ready. I made signs that say " If you want to be a writer, sit down and write" I have taped them everywhere. I've saved what I've written in several places, in case my computer crashes. Now I'm ready.

But first, I have to do some laundry, Mo needs a specific shirt clean for her job interview tomorrow. Plus, I really should do some yoga, I've been putting that off, and I need to do it for my health. Ok, now I can write.

Oh wait, I need to fold the laundry, then I should take a shower so I don't have to shower in the morning. While I'm in the bathroom I see that the trash needs to be emptied and there is shampoo spilled on the shelf. Ok, I'll just clean the bathroom.

Bathroom clean, I'm really ready now. Just a quick check of Facebook, then myspace, then my email, oh wait, there's a dating site I've been talking to this guy on.....

The list goes on and on. Before I know it, it's time to go to bed, 5am comes early you know. I'll write tomorrow.

Am I the only one who does this? Is it a fear of not being good enough? Or is it laziness. I really, really want to write, I love it, it's like nothing I've ever done before. Why don't I do it?

I should just finish this post and write, I think I will. But first... I think I'll make a sandwich.

Today, we cry

The world lost a wonderful man today. Wayne Edwards. My ex husbands oldest brother died as a result of ALS otherwise known as Lou Gehrig's disease. He contracted this from exposure to agent orange in Vietnam.
ALS is not a kind disease. It took the body of a vibrant, active man while leaving his amazingly intelligent mind intact.
Wayne knew what was going on and was powerless to stop it, by the end he was powerless to do pretty much anything.
My heart is breaking for his wife, Arlene, their time together was much too short, for his children, for his grandchildren.
But right now, mostly, my heart breaks for Steve. My ex husband has had his share of issues with all of his siblings, just like the rest of us, but he loves them and they love him. He is the baby, Stevarino.
Steve has lost two brothers in just a few short years, both gone too soon. Wayne is the oldest and only 63. I can't imagine his pain and hope that he and the rest of his siblings are comforted knowing that where ever we go when this is over, whatever you believe, there is a special place for men like Wayne. Men who did what they had to do to take care of the ones they love and paid a heavy price for it.
Mo and I love you Wayne, and we will miss you.